I've been playing Farmville and getting ready to get ready for the baseball game tonight. And i miss you.

Even something as stupid as playing farmville, is better when I do it with you. It's probably the dorkiest thing ever, but sometimes when we sit on the phone and just do our stupid farmville stuff, I don't feel like the entire world is ending. It's just normal, no frills, and perfect.

I know I seem like i require so much more. I'm sorry that it never seems like i enjoy or appreciate the simple easy things. I really do. I get so hung up on the image I want to have, that I'm not myself.

Kinda like every single time you've ever gotten me flowers. I'm sorry I didn't act appreciative. I actually really like them - they make me feel special, and loved. And that's hard for me to accept. I don't like myself so it's hard to understand that anyone else would ever like me.

I don't think I can ever make up for all the lack of appreciation and apathy I've consistently shown. I wish i could. I wish just telling you that I didn't mean it was enough. I know it wouldn't be enough for me if it were the other way around either. I always want some gigantic gesture. I would give you a gigantic gesture if I didn't firmly believe it would be rejected. The idea of showing up on your doorstep and you not wanting to touch me is devastating. At least in my head, I can pretend that isn't so.