This is ridiculous. I've cried for about an hour and a half total today. I'm glad this stupid doctor is done with next week. I'm not paying someone to tell me there's nothing wrong with me. I agree - I don't really think i have a problem either, but...

some people would say that if you're going to want to die almost everyday, and cry for hours on end, maybe you have a problem

some people also say I should just get over it, move on, find someone who makes me happy

people say all kinds of shit. It doesn't matter. A lot of people just don't understand - I don't think you can get it unless it's happening to you.

Yes, I cry a lot. Yes, I want to die sometimes, and yes, I do both of these things far more than average. But there's nothing wrong with me - I'm just completely and totally heartbroken, and i'm still in the denial stage, so i don't see it getting better in a hurry or anything. People need to stop pressuring me and expecting me to be happy - I'm not happy, can't you understand that? It's not that I don't want to be - I do, more than anything. I'm just not. I've learning a very painful lesson - and it's taking me a while - I hope that I learn it correctly.

I don't mean to be so defensive today. I've just felt really bad all day. Being alone really makes it worse. I keep trying to distract myself - but a person can only watch so many movies in one day. In between, i just end up imagining what other people are doing this very minute, or what I want to be doing. And then I end up crying. An endless cycle, to what seems like an endless day. Can't it just be time for stacey to be home already. At least she distracts me from wanting to die.

Why does everyone think it's so stupid that there's only one thing important to me at all right now?