Love Language Scores: 6 Words of Affirmation 8 Quality Time 5 Receiving Gifts 2 Acts of Service 9 Physical Touch Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you. The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don't affect you very much on an emotional level.
Physical Touch A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Apology Language Scores: 5 Expressing Regret 3 Accepting Responsibility 4 Making Restitution 7 Genuinely Repenting 1 Requesting Apology Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: The highest score indicates your primary apology language (the highest score possible is 20). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means you may feel equally receptive to two or more of the apology languages.
Genuinely Repenting You have chosen Genuinely Repenting as your primary Apology Language. You are most able to forgive someone who offends you when they are willing to change in order to avoid hurting you again.

I humbly seek healing as I suffer from a broken relationship.  
Grant me the grace of true forgiveness, to let go of my bitterness, anger, resentment, and choose to forgive.
Even forgive for not forgiving me.  

Lord, you know all things, you can do all things, through you all things are possible.
I know you love me as you love Brian, and want that neither of us should hurt.  
Please help us both to see things from your point of view and through your eyes.
Help us allow your love to break down all walls and restore this damaged relationship.
Lead us to seek and follow your divine plan for our lives - no matter how difficult that may be and how different it may be from our own will.  
Lord, fill the emptiness in my heart with your love. 


In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.  

okay, so i had an infinite amount of chances to fix this
i didn't deserve even one
this isn't about what I deserve
it's about what you deserve
and you deserve to have this pain be gone
you deserve to be the bigger person
the person that turns his cheek over and over
and never stops letting himself be walked upon
you used to be that person
i took advantage
it was wrong
but the way you handled it
was perfection
pray without ceasing as I am doing
and tell me that you're making the right decision

if you're still sure you're right
maybe we're really not praying to the same God

i want to be a healer of the emotional variety
i would turn down the lights
add some music
massage away the pain
replacing it with the truth of how special you are
just think quietly to yourself
contemplate who you are
who you will be
the greatness inside of you
stop being scared of it
stop being scared of me
when a 10 is achievable
who settles for a 6
you deserve more
let me show you

It's been awhile. I've been busy.  Getting sworn in to practice law in Missouri was a big deal.
Passing the bar in Missouri was a big deal.  Even if no one thought it was.  Stacey promised me a mylar balloon.  She lied.  I've never gotten one of those balloons.  It's only like 2 dollars.  I wish someone thought it was a big enough deal to get me a balloon.  I guess I was the only one who was worried about passing.  I guess I should have been more confident about it.  Regardless, it's still a BIG deal.

I'm really nervous about this weekend.  I'm really stressed about work - multiple reasons.  First, last week I was out 1/2 day Monday and all day Tuesday with hearings.  I got home at midnight on Tuesday and worked all day Wednesday (until really like, like 8pm).  Then I was out all day Thursday and Friday for the bar swearing in and such.  Basically, I was gone the whole week.

My assistant Sabrina was out 1/2 day Thursday, all day Friday, and all day today (Wednesday).  Life is really really hard when she is out of the office.  There is way too much work for me to do alone, especially considering I'm still behind from last week and I have 5 hearings to prep for on Monday in Fort Collins.
I'm also stressed about giving my notice.  I'm planning to do it next Tuesday.  I'm scared.  I've never really quit a job before.

So stress plus nerves equals bad.  It makes me fat.  I hate this weight roller coaster of the last year.  I know that some people have it a lot worse and I shouldn't complain.  But I never really had the crazy emotional weight loss/weight gain issues until the last year.  I had lost so much weight at one point, now I"m unhappy at anything above that low.  And everytime I get stressed and nervous, things get out of control.

This is a lame thing to be blogging about.  I need to think of something more interesting.  Maybe later.

I really hope Brian shows up.  For the right reasons.  Showing up for the wrong reasons would be devastating. I'm glad I have Sunday to not get out of bed all day just in case.