Our life plans need to stop getting in the way of what we are supposed to do We burden ourselves with plans, structure, certainties which accumulate into disappointment and failure we worry about planning for the future, whether we can afford to pay our bills, to quit our jobs, to move to a new city do any of these things actually matter? I'm not saying one should be irresponsible. Far from it. The responsible way to do it is to have very little debt, live modestly, save a little while you can, and use the savings when you need to. But don't tie yourself down to a job because of a mortgage or a new car or a credit card. Just move. Make the right decision. Stop acting like God is so small that he can't take care of you. Stop being scared to be where you are supposed to be and live the way you are supposed to live Stop being afraid to take chances Stop being afraid to get hurt Stop worrying about what other people might think Just be who you are Why does this have to be so hard? -------------------- For me, right now, it isn't the moving that's hard. It isn't the being me that's hard. It's dealing with the consequences of the past that is hard. Heavenly Father - Tonight please just be with me as a battle the demons of lust and jealousy and regret and self-hatred. Please not only forgive me for these sins, but also take this from me - if it be your will. In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit Amen

I love this website...
Here is my rendition of how I feel right now, in someecards...

I'm not sure what the proper word to describe my feelings is - weirded out???

I finally had a few minutes online tonight.  I had a new "tweet".  I hate that word.  I'm clearly so-not-a-twitter-person.  

I never should have sent her a "tweet" in the first place.  Like I said before I was drinking and ish.  Still, it was all me.  No excuses.  Still, I didn't expect to get anything back.  And if i did, I didn't expect it to say, "Yup".  WTH does "yup" mean.  That's another word I would never use.  I can't decide if it was a polite answer to my question or if it should irritate me or what.  It doesn't obviously invite a response back.  I hope one isn't expected.

Obviously I don't get this.

I would like to know what percentage of acceptance of my apology occurred - if any.  I know that that is a lot to ask and not what I deserve.  But still, it'd be nice to know.  

I'm convinced I could win her over if I had the proper chance.

Today was amazing.  The Grand Canyon is beautiful.  I really don't know how people can look at God's creations and not believe in him.  How could you possibly think this was an accident?

The last few days have been a whirlwind, I've barely had time to think, except for today in the car when I had no cell phone service and there were no radio stations...

It's very clear to me now that I don't need you.
I needed to realize that.

But I do want you.
every piece.

"What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it's too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious....We can't, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it's all we have."


Sometimes at night I just need to remember that it's not too late.  Things can still change.  Tomorrow can still be different.  Please help me make the right choices.  Please help me stop wishing that everyone else would make the right choices too.... 

I left my book at home, so i've just been doing a lot of thinking and no studying per say.  Can't wait til i'm back to my book.  I did something stupid on Thursday night.  It's because I was drunk.  And being egged on.  I shouldn't have done it...but...I did do a really good job of only being nice, and honest, and defending people who weren't available to defend themselves. I need to keep trying harder though.

------------------

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what love is and what it's not.

it's probably sleeping on the couch b/c i'm uncomfortable

it's probably getting me fantastic presents on time

it's probably trying not to do anything that could accidentally lead me on

it's probably not talking about important things b/c i don't want to

----

it's probably just wanting to stay in a room forever together

it's probably relying on you and trusting you 

it's probably making each other a better person

it's probably being unbelievably happy and wanting to scream it to the world

or being unbelievably sad and having trouble not screaming it to the world

it's probably not giving up hope even when things seem hopeless

things are never hopeless

things aren't over until their actually over

you can't just pretend they are

i don't believe in over when there are still feelings

I'm just so happy to be this city.

And I'm so thankful to be moving here.

It's perfect.

And it feels so right.

It's exactly where I need to be.

And i just love it.

the end.