I tried to go to bed, but I'm still feeling a little too hurt right now.
I think brian might have hurt my feelings tonight a little more so than in the past - and i don't feel like me meant to at all. I guess that's nice for him, but doesn't fix it on my end.

It just leaves me thinking, What the hell is wrong with me?

Why couldn't I just be nicer. It's not like i didn't think nice things. It's not like i don't wish I got flowers every week. It's not like i don't think a lot of things about brian are really great.

Why didn't I just say it? I like to get positive comments, I know it feels good. Why don't i feel like naturally giving them out?

I just cannot figure out what the hell is wrong with me right now and about how much I screwed everything up just by being insensitive and a jerk and really just a shitty person.

Knowing this is entirely my fault makes me want to be dead. I do not deserve to be happy. Why would anyone like me, ever?

I just want to stop thinking about this and stop crying and go to sleep. I'm so tired. I just need to be done.