I'm done. I have to be strong enough to tell him that tomorrow. I can't give in. I have to be done. If i keep stringing this out, I might really have to start seeing a shrink. I don't want to want to kill myself anymore.

And it's clearly not working. Stop. Give up. Be done. Let it go. Convince yourself you can do better. Convince yourself that you haven't lost the single greatest thing in life, just convince yourself dammit.

Or continue to convince yourself of a lie, no way, they would never get engaged this soon. No way, Brian can't possibly not be in love with me. No way, Brian would tell me if anything interesting was going on. No way, this is a joke. Everything and everyone will snap back to normal in no time. Just live and exist in this happy world - turn off the computer, turn off the phone. Just be. The only problem is you have to stay there forever. And you have to stay there alone. Just like earlier tonight - alone, all the lights off, quiet.

Just be done. Let it hurt, but stop stabbing yourself.