I tried to stop stabbing myself. It's not really working.
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I'm making a decision. I am letting this go - verbally, I will not talk about it anymore. If we have things to talk about, then we can talk, if we don't, then we won't I guess. But i'm still going to post stuff on here, whenever I feel like it - and bluntly - how I feel. I feel like this is the best answer, because it has to be true that being friends is better than being nothing. Even if i don't necessarily feel that way, I will try my hardest.

I need to get a few things out of my system first. I'm going to try to do it right now... please note that this does require a response. It can be written or verbal, but that's the last time this is going to come up.

1. I want you to believe that I am capable of trying. That I am capable of not being completely self absorbed, that i'm actually a nice person and that I can "love" someone in the real sense of the word. If you don't believe that, I want to know what I can do to make you believe it. Even as friends, it's important to me that you think I'm capable of doing this.

2. I want to know if you've thought about what it would be like if i did try? if you think you would be happy.

3. Do you believe that something can be right for me, but not right for you? Do you really thing their is more than one person that is right for each person? Everyone keeps telling me that if i really feel that something is right, I should fight for it. And i just can't get over the feeling that there's something about you that I have to have in my life, or it's just not worth living.

4. Can you just tell me how you really feel about me? All i keep getting is confusion, you knew it wasn't right all along, i was never really good enough, etc. I promise I won't use anything you say to try and make this into something it's not. I just want to know - i can't figure you out very well - and my interpretation changes everyday.

5. Can you please plan a time to see me. If you don't plan it, you're entire summer will be gone before you know it. You've already taken up a lot of the time when other plans. I hate that you never got to see my current apartment. And that we never got to go to a Rockies/Dodgers game. And that I didn't make the most out of opportunities I had to come to Denver.

6. I'm not sure if you know this, but I really would do anything for you right now. I guess anything includes letting this go if that's what you want. If you want me to not be in love with you, I will put all my energy into trying to do that. Maybe it will give me something to focus on - instead of imagining what my life could be like if I was with you forever.