I'm down about 15 lbs. Maybe that's why I'm so happy today. I also did a really good job keeping in control of my emotions. I have to be really good this week - and we'll see how the swimsuit looks on the weekend. There will be no embarrassment in Hawaii. Besides, anything could happen.

I'm planning on having a blast. I keep thinking about how I sorta asked Brian to go first. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I just thought it would be really fun to share something like that with him. Maybe someday. But I can't wait for ziplining. It's going to be fantastic.

I'm starting to feel a little better about myself. This is the way it should be. Yes, I'm still upset about Brian - but I'm trying to see it for what it is. I should not feel bad. I have options. I'm pretty freaking great... and well nevermind. I still think he might regret this decision in the future - and i might not care, but you never know. Things have a funny way of working themselves out for the best. It's just hard when you really want to know what that best is right away.

I'm determined to just try to be myself, let it go, and just be happy. And whatever happens happens.

- R