I don't know how to deal with this.

I can't talk to you. It isn't enjoyable for me. Everytime we talk all I think about is how upset I am and how much I miss you. And how much i want/need you to choose me. love me. want to be with me more than anyone else. I have tried to just enjoy you, and let it go, it's not working. It's like someone dangling a brownie in front of your face constantly when you've given up sugar. I don't need to be constantly reminded of what I'm not good enough to have.

I just want to be good enough. I want to be good enough just the way that I am, but I would even change to make myself good enough.

I'm also upset that if i tell you this, you will say we shouldn't talk. That I need a break. STOP suggesting that. Do you know that it only makes me more upset. It makes it seem like that's what you want. That you're not even willing to fight for me to be your friend.

I want to be good enough to be fought for.