I did see the doctor.
He said it was a really good thing that I stopped taking the medication.
He seemed like he thought I was a little dumb for not realizing there was a problem earlier. Or for Stacey not realizing.
I tried to explain that I've been weird and emotional, and she didn't know about the medication. He still gave me a look like I'm dumb.
I'm glad there's a physician patient privilege. At least he can't tell anyone that he thinks i'm dumb.
He wanted to put me on Wellbutrin. I said no. I don't think I need it. So now I'm supposed to come back if things get worse or in a month to re-evaluate my psycho-ness. Great. Happy day for me.

He also said that everything should be out of my system soon. And if i feel like harming myself that I should go to the psych ward. LOL. I told him he has nothing to worry about. I'm too smart for that. Today.

I feel really guilty about all the crap i've put Brian through lately. I know that it's my fault and I can't just blame my crazyness on the medicine, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to. I don't feel like i've been myself at all, it'd be nice if i didn't have to deal with all that shit that "not myself" caused. We talked about the obsessive compulsive stuff. I guess that's somewhat of a normal side effect of Adderall for people who don't need it. Gee, thanks for telling me that up front. I don't have a problem focusing b/c there's something wrong with me, I have a problem focusing b/c i'm sad. Big difference. That's what I said from the beginning, don't try to convince me that I'm just a high functioning manic depressive with ADHD. That's not me.

I have my church group tomorrow. We're talking about marriage. I'm not very interested in this topic right now, it just makes me think about a lot of things I don't want to deal with. Like how I should have married brian when I had the chance. I'm pretty sure I might actually be happy now. I sure as hell wouldn't be in California. Ehh, it doesn't matter, I'm not going to be here much longer anyway. Can't wait for STL. I think that fixing that one piece of my life will really help with the overall. Although if i ended up all medication crazed out in STL, I might have burned MD's house down instead of just stabbing myself.