Long Day; Long Week

I'm not just like everyone else.

This situtation is unique - it's not the same one that all these complaining people on the internet are going through....

they say...

have respect for yourself and know that you're better than pining after someone who doesn't even care how you feel

they say...

stop living in a fantasy world and deal with reality the way it is, accept people as they are

I don't think they're wrong, except for me, in this situation right now:

I have self-respect. Sometimes I feel pathetic, but it's just societies influence telling me that I should feel pathetic. It's not me. I firmly believe that when you want something you work for it, you don't just give up because things get a little rough. What kind of self-respect would I have if I just gave up without knowing that I literally did everything that I could do.

And no, I still don't believe that I've done everything that I can do. I'm not sure exactly what it is that I need to do, but I know for a fact I have not exhausted all options.

Second, I'm not living in a fantasy world. I don't sit around thinking about what a perfect world would be like - well most of the time anyway. I just firmly believe that reality is not as it appears.

I absolutely do not believe with any part of my soul that this is over. It does not work that way. I will not let it. Evenmoreso lately, I really love him. Enough to try my hardest to let him realize his situation on his own and to fix it. I pray for him daily. I pray for her too, that's she's eventually happy and becomes a better person. Don't worry, I also pray that I become a better person.

I believe that he loves me. That he always will. That he just needs to accept that and take a chance. You cannot have magic if you aren't willing to risk something. I'm not the one that should be saying this - I've never been willing to risk anything in the past, but it's still true.

It's not easy. It will never be easy. But you're worth it to me. Stop just taking the easy way out.

And everyone stop thinking I'm crazy and I have no reason to believe these things. I don't know what kind of reason you're looking for but I have all the reason I need. I have faith and I know what I feel and I know what it felt like the last time we touched. And I will never forget that feeling.