Dear Heavenly Father, I love you and I need you.  More than ever.  I'm so sick and tired of not living up to your standards.  Of not being the best person I can be.  The fact that you aren't disgusted with me, that you love me no matter what, that you continue to give me chances leaves me amazed.  I'm sorry that I continue to make selfish choices despite knowing what you want for me.  I'm sorry that you provided me with numerous opportunities for happiness with a strong Christian role model, and I ignored them.  More than ignored them, walked all over them, and tossed them in the trash.  I know that moving to Missouri is the right choice for me right now.  I know that I need to make my family an even more important part of my life than it already is.  I know that I need to be faithfully involved with a community and church group.  I know that love is patient and kind, not demanding, jealous, and judgmental.  Just as you are patient and kind to me, and I have to work harder to be patient and kind to those I love.

Please help me to forgive Brian, and treat him with all the patience and kindness that he deserves.  Please be with him.  I know that he really needs you right now.  Your guidance and support are invaluable.  I pray that he is blessed with a relationship that lasts for life, waking up each and every day being grateful for the life you have blessed him with.  Particularly, I pray that you send him guidance regarding his career path and help him to place himself in the right place to serve you to the greatest extent possible.

Please help me to stop resenting the suffering I feel, and use it to become closer to you.  My suffering and rejection cannot compare to the way you must feel every time I make a wrong choice, or knowingly turn away from you.  I'm so sorry for this.  I can't say it won't continue to happen, but I sincerely am sorry and am trying to find a better way.

Please be with me as I fall asleep and help me to keep my thoughts pure.  I love imagining all the ways that I can show and prove my love, but it's selfish of me to imagine them with Brian.  Please help me to keep Brian from my thoughts tonight.  and every night.  I have to learn that love means letting go.

In Jesus' Name I Pray
Amen