Today I did something for me.  Not to make myself look better.  Not for Brian.  Not for anyone.  Just for me.
And i feel really good about it.  It might sounds stupid to say that apologizing was just for me, but it was.  Which is probably selfish.  It should also be for her - it should be to make her feel better.  But really it's something that I've been needing to do for a really long time.  It's something that I needed on the inside.  It's something that I needed to do before I can let this go.

The hardest part for me is being vulnerable to her right now.  It's hard to not be worried about getting made fun of, or my apology being ignored, or just not being forgiven.  I just have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter.  I've done all I can do.  I just have to leave it up to God.  And be the biggest person I can be.  I was sincere, I feel bad and I don't want her to be worried.  That really is all I can do.