No matter how many hours I spend praying, the message hasn't changed.
The perfect life was provided for me.
The perfect person.
And I threw it away.
Me.  No one else.  Just me.
This is a really tough lesson to learn.
I pray that I stop having to learn it.
I don't need anything except for my God to give me hope.
I will not stop hoping.
Until the last day of my life.

1. Pray

The most important place to begin is to pray (or continue praying) about this call you sense. Your feeling that God is calling you is not some fluke or self-conjured up idea; it is a gift from God, an invitation into a deeper relationship with God. No matter how your vocation ends up expressing itself (nun, spouse, parent, teacher, advocate, etc.), you are being called right here, right now, to draw closer to God.

Be open to listening to God, no matter how crazy or confusing it feels. Embrace the possibility of whatever God has in mind for you. It may be a radical shift to a different way of life than you imagined for yourself, or it may be something you’ve kinda known all along. And it could be both!

Remain faithful to pray even when it is difficult or feels like it is going nowhere. Spend more time in prayer and/or be more intentional in the prayer time that you already have. If you are used to praying first thing in the morning, consider praying again before you go to bed. Review your day and ask God to help you see how God has been with you in the daily stuff of life. If you are drawn to the Rosary, consider praying the Rosary with the specific intention of knowing more deeply how Mary and how Jesus responded to their calling.

Read scripture, particularly the stories of people trying to figure out how God is calling them and how they can respond. Here are some of those stories (for more check out this listing of Bible stories from vocations.ca):

• Mary (Luke 1:26-38)
• Ruth (Book of Ruth 1:15-18)
• Disciples (John 1:35-50)
• Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1: 4-10)
• Isaiah (Isaiah 6:1-10; 49:1-6)
• Samuel (1 Samuel 3:1-21)
• John and Peter (Matthew 4:18-22)
• Paul (Romans 1:1-7; Acts of the Apostles 9:1-19)

Imagine yourself in the story. How would you respond? What words is God speaking to you?

Pray with others. Participate in the Eucharistic Liturgy, attend to a bible study or faith-sharing group, pray with others who can encourage and support you.

Love Language Scores: 6 Words of Affirmation 8 Quality Time 5 Receiving Gifts 2 Acts of Service 9 Physical Touch Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you. The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don't affect you very much on an emotional level.
Physical Touch A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Apology Language Scores: 5 Expressing Regret 3 Accepting Responsibility 4 Making Restitution 7 Genuinely Repenting 1 Requesting Apology Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: The highest score indicates your primary apology language (the highest score possible is 20). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means you may feel equally receptive to two or more of the apology languages.
Genuinely Repenting You have chosen Genuinely Repenting as your primary Apology Language. You are most able to forgive someone who offends you when they are willing to change in order to avoid hurting you again.

I humbly seek healing as I suffer from a broken relationship.  
Grant me the grace of true forgiveness, to let go of my bitterness, anger, resentment, and choose to forgive.
Even forgive for not forgiving me.  

Lord, you know all things, you can do all things, through you all things are possible.
I know you love me as you love Brian, and want that neither of us should hurt.  
Please help us both to see things from your point of view and through your eyes.
Help us allow your love to break down all walls and restore this damaged relationship.
Lead us to seek and follow your divine plan for our lives - no matter how difficult that may be and how different it may be from our own will.  
Lord, fill the emptiness in my heart with your love. 


In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.  

okay, so i had an infinite amount of chances to fix this
i didn't deserve even one
this isn't about what I deserve
it's about what you deserve
and you deserve to have this pain be gone
you deserve to be the bigger person
the person that turns his cheek over and over
and never stops letting himself be walked upon
you used to be that person
i took advantage
it was wrong
but the way you handled it
was perfection
pray without ceasing as I am doing
and tell me that you're making the right decision

if you're still sure you're right
maybe we're really not praying to the same God