Lukewarm people are continually concerned with playing it safe; they are slaves to the god of control.  This focus on safe living keeps them from sacrificing and risking for God.  


Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so that they never have to.  They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens - they have their savings account.  They don't genuinely seek out what life God would have them live - they have life figured and mapped out.  They don't depend on God on a daily basis - their refrigerators are full and they are in good health.  The truth is, their lives wouldn't look very much different if they stopped believing in God.


..any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.  Luke 14:33
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Tonight I'm contemplating my life and my decisions.  For the longest time, I really believed that moving here was a terrible decision and a huge mistake.  I think that way of thinking was wrong.  I've been trying to learn a lesson for a long time.  I'm just stubborn and not learning it very well.  Instead of praying and depending on God, I complained and pushed people away from me.  God gave me so many opportunities, but I mostly ignored them. I was too busy thinking selfishly and not seeing the big picture.  And then the brian thing, well until a long time after that started, I still wasn't getting it.  At some point  not getting it becomes exhausting.

I don't want to be safe.  I want to put everything on the line. I'm trying.  I need to try hard.

Dear Lord,
Please help me to try harder.  At everything.  Try harder at being vulnerable.
Try harder at doing what you ask.  Try harder at being patient with Brian.
Try harder at work.  Try harder at not sinning.  Just try harder at living the life you demand.
Amen.