writing in my journal just isn't cathartic enough
the cardinals give me hope
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
So i was told that i'm not the only one looking at this
on the one hand i expected it, since i did tell one person about this
on the other hand, i really thought he'd given up on me by now.
curiosity killed me, so i added a tracker.
yes, i will say i'm surprised that i'm so popular. only about 15 hits today.
yes, i'm also surprised that certain people know about this, the place where I tend to write my absolute private thoughts. I'm glad i'm a little prudish and censor some things.
A quick word to my three favorite visitors:
1.) I'm happy you care. If you don't care, I'm happy that I incorrectly think you do. Either way I'm happy. And i miss you. Terribly.
2.) i have really mixed feelings about you. It's nice that you are even the slightest bit interested in what's going on with me, on the other hand it seems like maybe you should either move on and let it go, or just talk to me if you want to know what's going on. I'm not several times a day interesting, don't overestimate me. If you care, try to work it out. If you don't, be the good person that I know you can be, and quit bathing in my misery.
3.) Then there's you. Don't you find it even the slightest bit hypocritical? I'm sure you've figured out by now that I have written some pretty private things here. As i don't really believe in privacy, I put this out in the open, and I'm not upset that people found it. But i am upset that you seem to have a double standard about what kinds of things are acceptable. And i'm disappointed in whoever told you about this site, they should have been smart enough to know that was a bad idea.
I'm also flattered. But seriously, have some self-respect and go enjoy the wonderful life you've created for yourself and quit worrying about what it is that i'm doing this week. That's not offensive, it's what someone should have said to me a long time ago.
I'm still going to post if I feel like it.
Look if you feel like it.
Just know it's not a secret.
on the one hand i expected it, since i did tell one person about this
on the other hand, i really thought he'd given up on me by now.
curiosity killed me, so i added a tracker.
yes, i will say i'm surprised that i'm so popular. only about 15 hits today.
yes, i'm also surprised that certain people know about this, the place where I tend to write my absolute private thoughts. I'm glad i'm a little prudish and censor some things.
A quick word to my three favorite visitors:
1.) I'm happy you care. If you don't care, I'm happy that I incorrectly think you do. Either way I'm happy. And i miss you. Terribly.
2.) i have really mixed feelings about you. It's nice that you are even the slightest bit interested in what's going on with me, on the other hand it seems like maybe you should either move on and let it go, or just talk to me if you want to know what's going on. I'm not several times a day interesting, don't overestimate me. If you care, try to work it out. If you don't, be the good person that I know you can be, and quit bathing in my misery.
3.) Then there's you. Don't you find it even the slightest bit hypocritical? I'm sure you've figured out by now that I have written some pretty private things here. As i don't really believe in privacy, I put this out in the open, and I'm not upset that people found it. But i am upset that you seem to have a double standard about what kinds of things are acceptable. And i'm disappointed in whoever told you about this site, they should have been smart enough to know that was a bad idea.
I'm also flattered. But seriously, have some self-respect and go enjoy the wonderful life you've created for yourself and quit worrying about what it is that i'm doing this week. That's not offensive, it's what someone should have said to me a long time ago.
I'm still going to post if I feel like it.
Look if you feel like it.
Just know it's not a secret.
5 things
I'm finally getting around to posting this. It's the first step in the battle of getting these things squared away.
ONE
I know with a reasonable amount of certainty that Stacey made up some people, and refuses to admit it. I've been harping on this for years. I've finally reached a point where I can let this go. Sure, lying isn't okay. But people have their reasons. and fears. And it's not my place to judge her reasons for holding onto this, maybe it's the only thing holding her together.
At any rate, i've let it go. And i don't hold it against her. And i don't care if she's lying.
TWO
One time I stood on the sidelines while someone else changed a church sign. I thought I saw a cop car coming and I took off running. Another time I was with a large group of people stealing a welcome to richland road sign. And i'm pretty sure I either sat in the car freaking out or stood a bit away keeping watch.
Therefore I'm not sure why anyone believe that the wuss that I am would let the air out of someone's tires, unassisted, when they easily could have been caught. At any rate, I perpetuated this rumor, because I wanted to be primarily responsible. Truth is, just like always, I stood on the sidelines and ran. I guess i perpetuated this lie for my own benefit. I wanted to be more involved than i was.
THREE
Out of all the time we were together, I only really remember lying about one thing. The same thing, multiple times. If we ever make up, we're gonna have to talk about the events of 12-31-2004. The reasons for this one are manifold. There's always the wanting to protect myself, being embarrassed about the truth, wishing that it were not true. Then there's the caring. I care so much about his feelings. I know this would upset him, and I can't take it back. So why tell. Well that only works if you never tell. Unfortunately, that's bad for the soul.
FOUR
One time I photocopied something belonging to a friend. I still have that photocopy. I still feel guilty about it, but I keep it to remind me that I need to come clean with this person. I've never lied to them about it. But i know that copying it in the first place was wrong.
FIVE
I keep feeling like I have to lie to my Mom regarding Daniel. She keeps asking me questions. I keep trying to stay out of it. Last weekend she accused me of making it worse, of hurting her by not telling her things she needs to know. This made me feel really bad. But I really don't believe that it's my place to tell her.
and a bonus
SIX
There's this person that I'm pretty sure thinks i know everything about them. I don't really. I know very little. I don't even know where they live. Although I'm sure I could find it on whitepages if i cared enough to look.
ONE
I know with a reasonable amount of certainty that Stacey made up some people, and refuses to admit it. I've been harping on this for years. I've finally reached a point where I can let this go. Sure, lying isn't okay. But people have their reasons. and fears. And it's not my place to judge her reasons for holding onto this, maybe it's the only thing holding her together.
At any rate, i've let it go. And i don't hold it against her. And i don't care if she's lying.
TWO
One time I stood on the sidelines while someone else changed a church sign. I thought I saw a cop car coming and I took off running. Another time I was with a large group of people stealing a welcome to richland road sign. And i'm pretty sure I either sat in the car freaking out or stood a bit away keeping watch.
Therefore I'm not sure why anyone believe that the wuss that I am would let the air out of someone's tires, unassisted, when they easily could have been caught. At any rate, I perpetuated this rumor, because I wanted to be primarily responsible. Truth is, just like always, I stood on the sidelines and ran. I guess i perpetuated this lie for my own benefit. I wanted to be more involved than i was.
THREE
Out of all the time we were together, I only really remember lying about one thing. The same thing, multiple times. If we ever make up, we're gonna have to talk about the events of 12-31-2004. The reasons for this one are manifold. There's always the wanting to protect myself, being embarrassed about the truth, wishing that it were not true. Then there's the caring. I care so much about his feelings. I know this would upset him, and I can't take it back. So why tell. Well that only works if you never tell. Unfortunately, that's bad for the soul.
FOUR
One time I photocopied something belonging to a friend. I still have that photocopy. I still feel guilty about it, but I keep it to remind me that I need to come clean with this person. I've never lied to them about it. But i know that copying it in the first place was wrong.
FIVE
I keep feeling like I have to lie to my Mom regarding Daniel. She keeps asking me questions. I keep trying to stay out of it. Last weekend she accused me of making it worse, of hurting her by not telling her things she needs to know. This made me feel really bad. But I really don't believe that it's my place to tell her.
and a bonus
SIX
There's this person that I'm pretty sure thinks i know everything about them. I don't really. I know very little. I don't even know where they live. Although I'm sure I could find it on whitepages if i cared enough to look.
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