Me and My Jealousy... R dubbed

I'm thinking about you holding her

there's nothing much that I can do

The seconds into minutes

the minutes into hours

the future might be hers but the past is still ours

everyone says i should just move on

well it's easier said that done

the only thing left keeping me company

just me and my jealousy

I lie awake at night

every night

you keep running through my mind

all night

jealous of the hand that you hold

not mine

nothing left of me

just me and my jealousy

you said there really isn't much to say

you said we'd be better off this way

so tell me is it better while you're lying in bed

tell me if you ever think of me instead

i got nothing left to prove

when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose

the only thing left keeping me company

just me and my jealousy

I'm jealous of the pillow where she lays her head

the only thing she's lying with is my regret

I'm jealous of the way you say her name

i should of held you tighter but i let you walk away

...

days turn into nights

i can't get you off my mind

nothing left of me

nothing

left

of

me

Things I Want For My Birthday

In Progress

1. DAAAAAAAANG Underwear

2. This promise ring. My promise is to not forget how freaking spectacular I am.

3. Kindle Fire

4. ROCKSMITH!!!!!!!!!

Poem From Last Month - when i was still sappy

i see the real you
i know you on the inside
it doesn't make me love you any less

i long to hear the arrogance in your voice
to see the haircut that i hate
to smell the cologne i hate because she gave you
to taste me on you
to feel the hurt i cause you
and your facial hair

all the negative just combines
to magnetize me toward you
but now you've created
something i would change
delete
redo
undo
now that i want to change you
you're no good to me

the end

my wish for you
it that this life becomes all that you want it to

i pray that every negative thought i have adds to your blessings

ever since last bible study, i haven't been able to get a few ideas out of my mind.
most people i know, most people i've met are genuinely nice people, they want to be happy, they want to live well, and they want the same for others, this is what I consider baseline.

Of course their ideas about what would make others happy are sometimes way off base, but right now i'm more concerned with their intention.

What trips me up are the people who don't fit this mold. The people who don't care about how others feel, who say/do/perpetuate mean things with no guilt or care. Don't mistake this for a holier than thou attitude, everyone does things that are mean sometimes, again I'm concerned with intent and with guilt.

When i'm a jerk it's pretty much exclusively for one reason - emotions. I act out when I'm upset and when my feelings are hurt. Sometimes it takes a long time to recover from hurt feelings - like with Erica and I. Sometimes it's impossible. I guess the point is that it's never coming from a dark place and it's never without guilt.

I want others to be happy, I enjoy making them so. I want to be happy. I don't think either should be at the others expense. I still have hope - the Cardinals did win the World Series after all.