people who haven't taken a bar exam have no idea what this is like
the only thing worse is the hell i've been living in for practically the past year
the bar will pass soon
the other, idn
it's not like i won't pass, i'm not capable of failing at academics
just life
it's more of a how much sleep do i have to give up for the next three days to do it
i wish giving up sleep would aid other areas
i would stay up forever

p.s. if this is austin, i still love you

 Really, a Mac.  C'mon.

Dear Sir -
Respectfully, I request that you review your procedure for handling this situation.  I am not an object to be handled by your procedure.  Ownership and property rights to women were abolished a long time ago and with it the idea that we need a man to make decisions for us because we can't possibly know what is best.

Your procedure has several deficiencies - most notably it neglects to take into account my feelings.  Just because you judge feelings as inferior and mine particularly, does not give you the authority to neglect them in your equation.  Furthermore, I also request that you take your own feelings into account when creating version 2.  I feel that these changes will result in a more equitable allowance for all parties and avoid any unjust enrichment.  Currently, one party is receiving more than the fair allotment.  This party should, in equity, be forced to repay.  I hereby waive any cause of action I may have against this party in contract, tort, or equity for alienation of affections, criminal conversation, and/or negligent interference with consortium.  I hope that this gesture of goodwill will aid in the decision making process.

I will you to investigate the recesses of knowledge available.  This is not a fleeting issue, nor are my feelings of short duration.  They are pure, steadfast, and carry with them the resolve to outlast any whims on your account.  I pray that you will investigate such whims and fancies and delete them as appropriate in favor of actionable facts.

Please let me know how I can further assist you on this endeavor.
Godspeed.

thanks for the call.

oh, did you want the Jack Ingram version since you're all into country now?

i always liked to think that you needed me
that you wouldn't be able to breathe without me
that i was the end all and be all of your existence
it must have been a defense mechanism
to hide the fact that it was really me
who would fall apart without you

i never wanted to be the kind of person
who would fall apart
especially not over some boy

Thanks for the reply.
It's great to know your doing well.
especially during this tough time.
and to know that you miss us too
and wish things would have worked out differently
it was good to hear your voice
to be reassured that things will be okay
and mostly just to know
that you care
because of this
maybe i'll be better tomorrow

it's hard to be right when everyone around you is wrong

i'm sorry
i'm thinking about you
and your family
it's good that you're spending time with them now
that's the best medicine

Sometimes my dreams seems so real, and I wake up really believing that things are different.
I keep telling myself that I'm stupid, and I need to let it go, but i can't seem to shake the feeling that this just isn't the way things are supposed to be.
I don't know what else I can do, I pray about it, it haunts my dreams - I try to let it go, I really do.  Everyday.  But something seems to be fighting against me - which leads me to the conclusion that maybe i've been right all along.

This is a movie.

And in this movie truth wins - it just takes a while, we have to make the plot interesting so that people watch.  Although if a movie went on this long it would be like New Moon and everyone would be tired of it by the time the resolution came.

Speaking of which - New Moon was my favorite of the Twilight books.  Maybe I'm just into being miserable.

Anyway, so in this movie - we're eventually happy - after some kicking and screaming of course.  And hopefully not the day before a wedding that's supposed to happen (the only similarity this can have with Sweet Home Alabama is the rain - and maybe some civil war reenactments).  I

I'm just waiting for my one moment.

I'm trying to work on humility.
Just because I excel at a lot of things, I have to be careful not to give off the vibe that I think I'm better than other people.

It's kind of hard at work because i do have to supervise almost 200 people.  It's my job to tell them when they are wrong, and guide their policies to make sure they comply with ethical obligations, etc.  I have to work on the way I word things, and being more compassionate with people when they don't understand.

Sometimes it's not their fault.  Just because I happen to be more ethically conservative than just about everyone else, doesn't mean that their "shady" practices aren't okay.

Goal #1:  This week I'm going to ignore at least one small violation everyday, I will not ignore actual problems, but I won't redirect people when they aren't technically wrong.

I'm lucky that everyone likes me.  It's always been easy for me to make friends and I'm generally a well liked person at work - I can't imagine the gossip that would go on if people didn't really like me.  They let me get away with a lot more without getting the "mean" reputation that Michelle and Cori had.

Goal #2:  This week I will express appreciation at least once per day to someone who is doing a good job at work.  Typically, people only hear from me when they are sucking.

Goal #3:  Whenever I find myself acting like I think I'm better than other people, I will focus on things I'm not good at in order to reorient myself.  I'm not good at follow through, I'm not good at saying no, i'm not good at any sports, really, i'm not good at brian.

before i first saw you
i had no intentions
wasn't expecting anything
actually the opposite
you were attached
of no interest to me

and then i walked in the door
was greeted politely
and we made eye contact
there was a spark
that ignited my curiosity
who are you?

you shared, i shared
i was hungry for more
every bit, detail, thought
wanting to know you more
and the spark continued
was innocently cultivated

called it building friendship
but in reality it was
building anticipation
for the first time we'd kiss
knowing the future
waiting for it to happen

spending time alone with you
blushing because it was tainted
with guilt
it was never innocent
we were never just friends
others could see what i ignored

finally we were both free
and spent nights
building anticipation
of a different kind
i couldn't keep my shirt on
or my heart closed

your hands
finally the kiss
too nervous to make the most of it
screwing up everything
being coy, or just dumb
instead of throwing it on the line
too scared to be vulnerable
too infatuated to say no
sitting in limbo
beginning the process

....of losing you.